i swear i'm not dead

I have been so out of it lately. Everything is spinning around me, and I decided at the last minute to actually move to America. What an experience that was.

The book is going to be published sometime next year. I've went through with it. It's a bit of a big deal for me because I've been writing this novel on and off since I was at uni. I never thought it would take me this far, but it has. It's so different from the original concept but it's still something near and dear to my heart and I'm glad that I kept it around.

There's something so different about America, and I don't mean in the change of the weather or the people. It's just...fascinating. The air is different, the wind blows at another angel and San Fransisco is filled with such vibrancy it leaves my fingers itching to write.

It leaves me whole.

Sometimes I feel a tad lonely. Sometimes I feel as though maybe I will live the rest of my life on my own. There's a part of me that is alright with that. That's okay with the idea of solitude. But there's something deep down, between a crack of realism and dreaming that makes me feel sad and broken that I'm alone. I try not to be a tragic person. I try to be helpful, and tucking away the fact that I am so blessed with my friends and family helps me through these moments.

But sometimes, just sometimes, when I see the couples on the streets holding hands, I whisper in my ear i wish that was me.